"I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death--Sunday will come. In the darkness, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."
-Joseph B. Wirthlin
Family life is hard. You go through a lot as a family, and it's no fun, but you come out as better people with stronger bonds. That's something I've had to learn the hard way, and I wanted to share that process with you.
First I want to introduce you to a little formula, and then I'm going to describe that formula with experiences and examples.
First: The actual stressor (A). This can be anything, ranging from a broken bone that costs thousands in medical bills, to the death of a family member. Basically, the definition is just something that causes stress. For example, when my mom left that put a lot of stress on our family. And not just our immediate family, but also our extended family. Similarly, there have been recent trials in my cousins' lives that have affected me. Remember, stressors can affect everyone, not just you and the people you live with.
Next is both your resources and your response (B). First of all, your response is how you cope with a stressor. For example, if you're stressed about grades, you might study more. Or, if you're stressed about a divorce, you may go out and blow your money. Obviously, there are good and bad ways, but sometimes that's just how you cope with stress. Your resources are what is available for you to use during this stressful time in your family. For example, the care of an infant who is in intensive care would cost thousands of dollars. The funeral for that baby when he passes away also costs a lot. The resources used in that situation would be your money, and most of the time, you won't have that resource, which doesn't help the stress go down. Another example of a resource is a ward, or some good friends. Those are the resources I used to help relieve stress after my mom left. I would talk to my friends, or to my Young Women leaders, and this greatly helped me power through. These are some good and bad ways your resources can affect how you cope with the trials you or your family are going through. That's something to remember the next time you are struggling with something. Make it a habit to respond and use your resources in a healthy way, at least to the best of your abilities.
The next part of the formula is your cognition (C). This basically means how you are comprehending the stressor or trial your family is faced. For example, you can look at it as a stumbling block in your way that you can never get over. Or, you can look at it as an opportunity to grow and become better through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This is probably the most important part of the formula, at least in my opinion.
So we have A+B+C, and that determines your overall experience with that specific stressor. Let me give you an example. When my mom decided to move out and divorce my dad, that was a huge stressor for my family. I responded to this by turning away from my mom and the rest of my family, and clinging to my friends. I used my ward as a resource to help me cope with the "loss" of my mom. I definitely didn't see this trial as an opportunity for me to grow. I saw it as a stumbling block that seemed to tower over me. Overall, this led to a very negative experience for me. I was depressed, confused, angry, and unforgiving. But then something changed. I started to turn more toward my family, and I became closer with them. I even bridged the gap between my mom and me just a little. I didn't completely stop using the ward as a resource, but I also turned more toward the scriptures and words of the prophet. And my entire cognition seemed to change. I began seeing this as a way to grow and become better. I saw this as an experience that would hurt me, but also as something that I could use in the coming days. This has led to a more positive experience for me. Not that there isn't struggles anymore, but I've changed the way I see those struggles, and suddenly the whole world seems brighter and more full of hope.
If you are still struggling please remember the wise words of Elder Holland: "Don't you give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead... It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." Things can and will get better. I don't know how or when, but if you have faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust, you will make it through.
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