"Any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."
-President Spencer W. Kimball
Marriage is hard. If I could, I would just leave it at that. Like, happily ever after is a lie, don't believe it! It takes a lot of hard work for marriage to work, and a lot is going to test your relationship! Today though, I just want to focus a little on the struggles that come from the beginnings of marriage.
Firstly, a lot people don't realize that marriage means sharing everything. Are you prepared to share finances, space, time, everything? It would be interesting to know that that is a major difference between those who cohabit and those who get married. People who cohabit before marriage tend to still have their own finances. They usually don't share cars, food, or their belongings. When you get married, that is supposed to all be shared because you are "cleaving unto one another" and becoming one. That is how you become closer together, and therefore closer to God. Plus, that will help you in the future when hard things happen and you have to support each other, because sharing everything allows you to practice leaning on each other. Don't be afraid to trust them, because that should be part of why you married them!
Can you guess what the next struggle newlyweds face? That's right, the first child. Sure, it may seem magical while she's pregnant, and it is really exciting and wonderful! But when that baby is born your life and your relationship is changed forever. Husbands and wives go through a lot even before they bring that bundle of joy home. A lot of the time, during the pregnancy, husbands feel left out because they don't get to connect to the baby in the same way a mother does. So, moms, make sure you're including your husbands! When you feel it kicking, let him feel. Describe what it feels like to him so he can feel as close as possible to that little miracle.
Now, after the baby is born and is brought home, there are even more struggles! Both mom and dad have an increased workload. Did you know that the mother's workload increases by 64% and father's workload increases by 37% within the first 6 months of parenthood. That's crazy, and it can lead to tension in the relationship. The mom is frequently occupied with the baby, and the dad is usually busy at work to pay for this baby. This leads to her thinking he no longer cares about her needs, and he feels left out when it comes to watching the baby grow. Plus, they're both exhausted from taking care of the tiny terrorist invading their home.
So, what are the solutions? Well, make sure you're preparing early. Talk about the challenges that are ahead and come up with a system to help each other! After the baby is born, make sure you're still validating each other. Always show you appreciation and love for each other, because it's going to get harder to remember. Remember that this was a joint effort, you both helped bring that baby into the world! And most importantly, remember to take care of yourself!! Get the rest you need and eat good food. And, if needed, ask each other for help! You're truly in this together.
Just to close, I'd like to address the first paragraph. I don't mean to discourage getting married. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing! I'm just saying that it takes a lot of hard work, and happily ever after doesn't just happen. You have to make sure you're working hard together to make your happily ever after. The best way to do this is to make sure you are making a covenant marriage, not a contract marriage. In his address entitled "Covenant Marriage", Bruce C. Hafen discusses that very issue. His main point is that it is important to make and keep a covenant marriage so that when the wolves come, you will not run. You will stick it out together, and you will grow closer to each other and to God because of it.
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