The Challenge of Dating

"Make dating and marriage a high priority. Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you for time and all eternity."

-For the Strength of Youth

As awkward as it sounds, this is actually a really interesting topic for me! Maybe that's just because I'm still single, but I think this information can be valuable to everyone.

First, let's talk about dating. For those of you older folds, have you noticed that dating has changed drastically over the years? It really has, and not necessarily in a good way. Back in the day, dating was all about having fun and getting to know different people. Once you found someone you really liked and had gone on a few dates with, you generally started "courting". This is when you've fully committed to that person. You continue to go on dates, but now you're "boyfriend and girlfriend". Next, as the relationship gets more serious, you would get engaged. And then the final step is marriage. Those are very important steps that people followed to help get to know someone before marrying.

Now let's contrast that dating with present day. Now dating has about the same meaning as courting. People rarely go on dates when they're dating, they mostly just hang out together. You might think that that's just fine, and it can be. But true dating is when you go and do something that is planned, not just hanging out and talking about what you want to do. Then, they jump to engagement and get married as fast as they can. Do these people know each other at all? Maybe. However, they probably don't know each other nearly well enough to get married. It seems that in the modern day people are just sliding through those steps to get to marriage as fast as they can. This isn't healthy! No wonder there is such a high divorce rate! If we could all just slow down and enjoy each other's company we would have much healthier relationships.

Then there's the opposite side of the spectrum. Some people just don't date at all! There are a number of reasons for this, but Elder Oaks lists just four in his talk "Dating Versus Hanging Out".

The first reason is, "The cultural tides in our world run strongly against commitments in family relationships".  I already discussed this at length in my earlier blog post, "Family, is it Important?" Basically, the world today has just stopped caring about families and marriage. The divorce rates have soared, abortion is a widely accepted decision, the very definition of marriage has changed. And with this increased negativity toward family, dating has slowly gone extinct.

The second reason is, "The leveling effect of the women's movement has contributed to discourage dating". Because men have seen women becoming more and more empowered, they have slowly stopped asking them on dates. This could be from fear of being rejected, or it could be from the fear of someone seeing them a "male chauvinist". Basically, the guys have just stopped asking out the girls, and this has led to dating going out of style.

Elder Oaks goes more into detail about these reasons as well as others in his talk, so I would encourage you to go listen to it.

To end, I just wanted to extend a challenge to whoever decides to read this post. For all those who are single, I would like to challenge you to go find one date with someone. They don't have to be attractive, and this date doesn't mean you're committed to them forever. Just plan a fun activity and go have fun together. Get to know one another, don't just hang out. And for the rest of you who are married, I encourage you to plan a date together. Make it fun and simple, something you can use to get to know one another better. Because even if you feel like you know someone, you can always learn something new.

Dating Versus Hanging Out

Gender is Divine

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual, premortal, mortal, and eternal destiny."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

This is a very touchy subject in the world today. As I discuss some things that may offend, I just want to say that I don't mean to sound hateful. I am not a bigot, I do my best to love everyone, no matter what their life choices. If you worry you may be offended, please feel free to stop reading now.

Gender. It's something that the world seems to laugh at nowadays. There are so many differing opinions floating around our media. People claim that there are more than just the two main genders. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know differently. I know the eternal truth that we were created as male and female in the premortal realm, long before we came to earth. There is no way of changing that, because it is divine law. I encourage you to go watch President Nelson's devotional for young adults where he defines divine law, and also discusses church policies regarding LGBT individuals.

It's been interesting this week to be learning about gender. I've been able to see how the world views gender vs how the Lord views gender. I'd like to focus a bit on the divine roles and differences that come with our two different genders.

The Family: A Proclamation teaches of these divine roles specifically. It states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness, and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." It's important to realize, that mothers and father each have their own individual roles that uniquely complement each other. They are not meant to better than or less than the other. I absolutely love that! I can't wait to find someone who can work equally with me in creating a home.

You wanna know the best part? Heavenly Father specifically created us to fulfill those divine responsibilities! Science has shown that our brains are different, and have different innate gifts. This shows that it's not just our society that is creating social norms, it's actually our brains! For example, there have been experiments where they put a toddler in a room full of trucks and weapons, and dolls and dresses. The girls tended to go to the pink and soft dolls and dresses. And the boys tended to go toward the trucks and weapons. Now, I'm not saying this is true for every boy and girl, I'm just saying that the majority of toddlers fit this description.

Before I close for the week, I just wanted to add one more thing. Just because a boy decides to play with a doll does not make him gay. Sometimes, boys are just more attracted to the idea of being nurturing. I want you to think about a man that is kind, nurturing, loving, and merciful. I think that those qualities are very Christ-like, and a boy should not be ashamed for having those characteristics. As a girl, I can attest that those characteristics are very attractive, and are Christ-like and divine in nature. Now as an evil person, wouldn't I want you to think that those characteristics are girly and undesirable? Yes, Satan is definitely working hard to destroy the concept of gender in families and society.

The Love and Laws of God

Becoming the Strong Link

"Become a welding link in the chain of generations."

-David A. Bednar

I recently listened to Elder and Sister Bednar's devotional called "A Welding Link". In it they discuss how to become a strong link in the generations of your family. I really loved listening and learning about the ways to keep my eternal family strong. I also think it sort of applies to the traditions and lessons that we pass down to our children and future generations. It makes me wonder what has been passed down to me, and what I'm going to pass down to my future family.

I think the biggest thing that I obviously have been given and will pass on is definitely the gospel of Jesus Christ. My Great Great Great Great Grandparents traveled with the pioneers across the ocean and then across the country for that gospel. It has been passed down through generations all the way down to me, and I hope that I can continue to pass that down to my Great Great Great Great grandchildren. It is something that has made such a difference in my life. It has shaped who I have become and it has effected how I live my life. This past year has been really hard for me, but I know that if I hadn't been given this amazing knowledge of the truth of the gospel, then I wouldn't have made it through this last year. That is one of the greatest gifts my ancestors have given me.

Something that I find interesting is that the chain of generations is more of a web that can connect all of us as a human family. So, I love that I get to be linked to two chains in order to create a much bigger web. That second chain has passed on many traditions and lessons to me as well. The biggest lesson I've learned from them is love everlasting. I have been taught to love others no matter their trespasses. Sure, people make mistakes, and sometimes it's hard to forgive them for those mistakes, but we have to keep loving them. I have learned that from stories I've heard about my great grandma and grandpa. It is my goal to pass that eternal and everlasting love on to my children and grandchildren so that they can have wonderful loving families. My heart aches for the recent generations who have seemed to struggle to find that love. I hope that as a strong link I can also teach them how to love forever no matter what.

It was also interesting to hear how one link can change everything. Sister Bednar talks about a sister that used to have a grandmother who was a member of the church. Sister Bednar says that she has always wondered where the chain was broken in that sister's family. For me, I know where that chain was broken. It has been multiple times, but each time someone has become a stronger link and helped to fix that chain. At one point that person was my mom. She is the reason I have such a strong testimony. She is the one who taught me to love. She answered my gospel questions, she was excited to discuss gospel topics, and she helped me learn to be a wonderful mother someday. She was a strong link that helped our family's chain grow stronger. Recently that chain has been broken again. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming my mom for that break, but she was a part of it. And I think that it has changed everything for both the chains that are connected to me. Suddenly the web has snapped, and I am not completely sure who I'm linked to anymore.

But I know that as I learn more about the gospel, as I strengthen my testimony, and as I learn to love my momma no matter what she does or says, that I can become a stronger link. I love that sweet and simple truth. I can't wait to become and stay strong so that my posterity can stay linked to their ancestors. I hope that I can help them become strong links as well as they learn the lessons and truths that have been passed down the chains for generations.

A Welding Link

The Art of Loving

"Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to be when I grow up. The thing that interests me most right now is becoming a family therapist. I love the idea of listening to others and helping them figure out solutions. This week I learned some techniques that therapists can use to help families become closer. My favorite one is the art of hugging.

Let me give an example of this to help you understand.

A son is having a very hard time with depression and thoughts of suicide. The mother has taken him to numerous therapists, but none of them have helped. She finally makes an appointment with a family therapist in the hopes that this will be the last one. He gets information from both the mother and the son and then brings them both in together. He talks to them for awhile, and then throws out an idea. He tells them to just hug each other for awhile. They both get up and just sit there, hugging each other. After a while they come apart, and the therapist tells them to practice this at home until their next session. When they come back the next week, the son has completely changed. He is happier, he is kinder, and he is doing better in school. All because he and his mother learned to show physical affection.

This shocks me. Just the simple idea of showing physical affection helped to heal this boy who had struggled with depression for most of his life. How powerful is that! At first it amazes me that this wasn't something practiced often in his home. But then I reflected on my family, and I realized, I don't practice that enough in my home. The only reason I've hugged my family this past year is just to say goodbye or because we haven't seen each other in a long time. How long has it been since I've said I love you, and truly meant it? How long has it been since I hugged my siblings just because? It just hurts my heart to realize all the moments I've missed. All the problems and fights I could've solved just by giving them a hug.

It just hurts that I'm living so far away and I can't be there with my family. We struggle a lot with our family situation, and I think it could get so much better if there were more hugs and "I love you"s.

Now I just wanted to switch gears a little bit, and talk about our genders. That is a very complicated topic in the world right now. But our genders are oh so important. We have divine roles because of the divine qualities that we were given in the premortal realm. I am so very thankful to be a daughter of God. Especially after this wonderful women's session of general conference that we just got to watch and listen to. I absolutely loved President Nelson's talk. I loved how he said, "Let me be very clear about this. If the world loses the moral rectitude of its women, the world will never recover". And the opening line of the new Young Women theme: "I am a daughter heavenly parents, with a divine and eternal destiny". I just love being a girl!!

Now I'm not saying girls rule the world, or that they're better than guys. Because that's just not true. Men are just as important as women. I watched an older BYUI devotional by Tim Rarick about fatherhood the other day, and I was very impressed with how important fathers are. I loved how he said, "Men, you are to complement and complete women, not just the other way around. Remember the second half of the apostle Paul's declaration: "Neither is the woman without the man in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 11:1)". Both genders are just as important and essential to our exaltation.

I'd like to leave with a challenge and a testimony. I want to challenge you to show your love to your families. Hug them! Say I love you more often, and mean it! Spend time with them. I know that this will help your relationships improve. I know that our genders are important to the plan of salvation. I know that your gender helps you fulfill your roles in families. I know that our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us, and our divine characteristics that come from our gender. Love yourself!! You were created this way for a reason! I am so thankful for my family, and I can't wait to practice the art of loving!

Men are That They Might be Fathers